so yeah, go here [link] to take the test...here's my results. odd. most of it was spot on.


The idea of togetherness, love, warmth, tenderness and mutual understanding fascinates you but you seem to be embarrassed by the thought of allowing this to appear openly. It would appear that you employ a cautious exploratory tactic in the pursuit of this objective, making sure that you are neither irrevocably committed nor found out.

Now there are many things in life that you require as essential to your well-being but, try as you may, something always seems to be getting in your way. A word of advice - 'keep trying' and you may be pleasantly surprised to see just how matters turn out.

It is amazing that you yourself believe that old 'adage' that you are a misunderstood person - and you feel that because of this you are being left out in the cold. It is because of this lack of believed understanding that you feel the need to conform to society in general - but this situation leaves you 'cold' knowing that you are not appreciated for your true self. Any relationship that you are developing at this time does not seem to involve any true emotional commitment, you seem to be just playing along.

You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.

It is strange that the anxiety that you are experiencing at this time is of your own making simply because of your desire to be respected by your fellow man and with those whom you work with. You are not satisfied. The normal congenial 'you' is becoming quite introverted. This is becoming increasingly more obvious because you seem to shy away from participating in everyday activities. You are refusing to allow yourself to become involved or to participate with others and it is the reluctance to communicate that is the inherent cause of your problems.

so it's 1:11 AM.

yay insomnia 8D

on a darker note, something hurts...that hasn't hurt for a long time. and i'm not talking physical pain here. i'm not writing this for sympathy, so i won't give details, i'm just writing because i felt a drive to put it down. i was just reading the vinci and arty webcomic, when a wave of pain hit me...from a wound i thought was long healed...and i cried for quite a bit before i could get up and move again. i've never put shit like this into my journal before, mainly cause i don't want anybody worrying about me, or even knowing that there is a problem (i like to be the dumpee, not the dumper) but i just felt the need to place this one down. if you've read all this way, i'll ask you again to kindly disregard this journal. and for those of you in school, see ya friday

looks like smooth sailing from now on, i was given the suspension and told by the principal himself that he didn't wanna expel me. so when i went in for the hearing, he talked a bit about the law and took the letter written (and personally delivered) by the pastor of my church explaining how i was a good kid. he then gave my mom the sword and told us we could leave 8D

so looks like i'll see all of you in school next friday.

also, not going to jail. my mom's boyfriend was dicking with me, REALLY out of character. he's only a complete asshole sometimes. ah, well. at least it didn't actually happen

last week, i got suspended, possibly expelled, right? [link] right, so more bad news. i'm still being forced to work for mom's boyfriend, but today a little after lunch my mom called rick and told him that i had to go to jail for three days. fuck. this. shit. i can't believe i'm going to prison for a small insignificant accident. whatever. i'm pissed and tired, so it isn't a good combo. see you all whenever...

so yeah, lemme tell you how i got royally screwed today.

last night, i brought a sword in to show my pastor at youth group. he checked it out and i put it back in my car. end of story, right?

well that night i also gave robert parkie (sp?) a ride home, and he smokes. a lot. once again, insignificant, eh?

next day comes, and i didn't remember to put the sword back into my room. so it was in the back of my car. but that's not a problem, because i'll just not tell anybody about it and take it home at the end of the day. cool, sounds good. well that day the drug dog was sniffing cars...oh, right. robert. huh. they searched the car, found the sword, and now i'm facing a ten day suspension, which isn't too big of a deal. it really sucks, but i can still get my work and i can come back. but the thing is, the procedure calls for expulsion. right now the school officials are looking for a loophole so that they can keep me, because i have good grades and a clean discipline record. but they're fighting the weapon free zone law, so i do have a chance of getting expelled. my mom flipped, i probably won't be on much. see you around guys...hopefully.